Day In, Day Out

This post was written on Sept 21, 2013. Sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak, When you feel weak, you feel like you just wanna just give up, But you gotta search within you, try and find that inner strength, And just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation not to give up, And not be a quitter no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face. Till I collapse- Eminem There are countless events in my life when my negative inner voice implored: ' Babe, I'm tired. That's it, let's just give up .' At the culmination of my self-defeat or my depression, I also do things which people called as acts of giving up. As I am bad at handling my emotions, I spend a week or two crying and hiding under my comforter, skipping meals, brainstorming homicide notes and writing a new diary entry with advanced cursing verbs dedicated to either myself or some other people. Oh, what a typical immature girl! However, the funny activities don't go any fu...

It was another date I had with my partner. The sea breeze was blowing gently, caressing our melancholic faces, smoothing our grizzly hearts. It was then that I bumped into a student I taught for few months - as a replacement teacher. The student has brought cheer into me, not by soothing words or exuberant compliments, but by her outstanding working passion.  No, she ain't a doctor nor an accountant. She is a team member of a fast food chain industry. That is not her first job, I know. She called me once after a pizza was delivered to my doorstep just to ask if the teacher fancied the taste she had put forth. I didn't complain the taste, it was just the discount I thought I deserved 😳.  The girl couldn't make it to any college or university for financial reasons. PTPTN loan might just make things worse in a long run.  She is not an achiever - academically. Her job doesn't allow her to enjoy worldly luxuries. Yet when she greeted me, her positive vibes...

I have this quote on my workspace: I could spend hours staring at this whilst letting all the memories of my failure flash before me. I cannot tell which one has the biggest impact in my life yet every each of it helps me to become the person I am today.   Failure. Too frequent, it's failure that stops us from proceeding with what we are good at. It is not because we have became less capable than we were before , it is merely because we could not stand the pressure and the tense of failing. Besides that we take failure as an innate quality , we let all the negative self-talks and thoughts such as; 'Why me ...', 'This is God's punishment ...', 'Only if ...', and 'I should have ...' creep in our heads. Bad enough, as it is a real struggle to shush them away, we let them reside in our heads as long as they wish to. Then, we get complacent (and everything starts to fall). Most of the time, we stand the belief that time heals. ...

People who don't break character when they're betrayed, experts say, often have something else that defines them, like children, religion, a purpose in life; others who lose themselves entirely in their romantic relationships—and from what is observed, high-achieving women seem surprisingly prone to this—are more vulnerable to losing control. (source) When I was betrayed, I attempted to break my character and transformed myself into being the meanest and the most wicked woman ever lived in the betrayers' life. I study human and women hence to be one is not such a big deal. More, I had nothing else to lose as I have lost a lot in a game I did not agree on playing. Reminiscing my 10 months of misery, cursing words, harsh realities and heartbreaking nonsense, I am glad that I have successfully held myself from breaking my character and from being the meanest and the most wicked woman in the life of the people not worth mentioning.  Feeling betrayed and foole...

Last Thursday, I decided to do something different with students of 4 Ibnu Sinar (the first class of the form). I went into the class and invited students to share on things that they do when they feel frustrated or emotionally depressed. I made efforts to direct the discussion to the word self-talk and yes, the objective of the lesson was to study and improve on students' self-talk.     Self-talk provides a kind of program that our subconscious minds respond to. Our minds work something like computers: Our brains are the hardware, and what we say to ourselves is the software.   (Isaac & Ritchey, 1989, p.3) Self-talk was chosen because from readings, I discover that positive self-talk helps to raise students' confidence. Scholars believe that raising students' confidence is essential as self-perception predicts learning and student performance. Thus, self-talk can be of much help to my group of student as I discover that the students are suffering fro...

When I meet people, many would say that I wont make it to the top. Many predict that I would end up just behind them. They are bold that they can say it with confidence and I am strong to be immune to the critiques and pitiful look towards me. Hate it? Never do I as I have been living with that. 'Pity you Lisa' 'You are the type of student who needs to work hard to succeed' etc Frequently I give those people a smirk but there are times when I talk back. All of us have visions and dreams. But there are two type of people with visions and dreams. The first group is the people who work hard for it and the other is a group of people who let their visions and dreams come to them by chance. I belong to the first group because I hate waiting and I don't see the point of losing the chances that I have in the present. More, I have a supportive family that always been helpful to me and a boyfriend who seems to understand my attitude towards achieving my dreams. Ju...

10 years ago, I was a dull thirteen years old girl who had no interest in anything. I considered myself as a failure because I wasn't accepted in boarding schools. It took me a lot of time as well as courage to accept the fact that it's okay to be left behind by friends who were accepted in good boarding schools around Malaysia. Just because I really wanted to be in boarding schools, my family agreed to send me to a religious boarding school near to my tok's house. The school was good but my life wasn't. My family visited me every week but I thought it wasn't enough. Up till these days, my omie always remind me on how bad did I look every time they paid me a visit. Maybe because of that, one day my abah came to the school and took me back home. This month, 10 years ago, I registered myself to a secondary school near to my home. I got my omie and my adik, who was patiently seating in his baby car seat, sending me to and picking me up from school every single day....

I have a nice handwriting ;)

by Richard St John. I ADORE him!