That Morning
It was another date I had with my partner. The sea breeze was blowing gently, caressing our melancholic faces, smoothing our grizzly hearts.
She is not an achiever - academically. Her job doesn't allow her to enjoy worldly luxuries. Yet when she greeted me, her positive vibes and energy lifted me.
She too had brought me to meet me.
The 'me' that hid when I ran into my teachers.
Yes, I did.
Why?
Because I am ashamed of myself.
For long, I always consider myself as a failure because when I had the option to enroll myself in any profession possible, I decided to be a teacher.
Is being a teacher bad? or a sign of a failure?
If I am at the position to blame, I put the blame on the society. Teaching has been seen as a job for the failure or the 'stupid' (remember the once viral post in Facebook?). I receive a lot of nasty comments from my financially-better-doing relatives on the 'standards' of teacher and how bad I am at deciding that I end up in the profession. My hard work for being an almost straight A's science student was teased and made fun of. They said that my hard work had gone to waste and that if they were to have a child of my brain, they would make them do differently. Once, I ran into my teacher. I was still a trainee. She asked me what I had been doing and I replied, doing teaching. The 'oh, you used to be a bright student' comment leaves a deep scar in my heart.
Above results me to hide or avoid contact when I ran into my teachers. I felt bad if my teachers know that I am too, a teacher that instead of making him feels proud of teaching me, would make him feels worst.
Being greeted by a student of mine changes me.
She is an underpaid worker.
She didn't do well academically.
She doesn't have any obvious reason to make me proud.
She can't even give me a discount.
But I am proud of her.
I do.
I am proud of her when I see:
how hard she works
how graceful she is when she talks to customers
how efficient she is when she communicates with other workers.
Then I learn.
Teachers are always proud of their students for zillion reasons.
If you bump into your teachers, do greet them. They might not recognise you at first, you too have aged, but trust me, they are happy to see you kicking and growing.
And, if you are teachers, bin everything nasty that you've heard about teachers and teaching. After few years of teaching, I know that I am happy to be in the profession.
It was then that I bumped into a student I taught for few months - as a replacement teacher. The student has brought cheer into me, not by soothing words or exuberant compliments, but by her outstanding working passion.
No, she ain't a doctor nor an accountant. She is a team member of a fast food chain industry. That is not her first job, I know. She called me once after a pizza was delivered to my doorstep just to ask if the teacher fancied the taste she had put forth. I didn't complain the taste, it was just the discount I thought I deserved 😳.
The girl couldn't make it to any college or university for financial reasons. PTPTN loan might just make things worse in a long run.
She too had brought me to meet me.
The 'me' that hid when I ran into my teachers.
Yes, I did.
Why?
Because I am ashamed of myself.
For long, I always consider myself as a failure because when I had the option to enroll myself in any profession possible, I decided to be a teacher.
Is being a teacher bad? or a sign of a failure?
If I am at the position to blame, I put the blame on the society. Teaching has been seen as a job for the failure or the 'stupid' (remember the once viral post in Facebook?). I receive a lot of nasty comments from my financially-better-doing relatives on the 'standards' of teacher and how bad I am at deciding that I end up in the profession. My hard work for being an almost straight A's science student was teased and made fun of. They said that my hard work had gone to waste and that if they were to have a child of my brain, they would make them do differently. Once, I ran into my teacher. I was still a trainee. She asked me what I had been doing and I replied, doing teaching. The 'oh, you used to be a bright student' comment leaves a deep scar in my heart.
Am I a failure just because I choose to be a teacher?
Am I a failure for sometimes a student with a minimal As in SPM can also be a teacher?
Am I a failure for I end up having the same amount of paycheck with people who were seen as low achievers when they were in schools?
Above results me to hide or avoid contact when I ran into my teachers. I felt bad if my teachers know that I am too, a teacher that instead of making him feels proud of teaching me, would make him feels worst.
Being greeted by a student of mine changes me.
She is an underpaid worker.
She didn't do well academically.
She doesn't have any obvious reason to make me proud.
She can't even give me a discount.
But I am proud of her.
I do.
I am proud of her when I see:
how hard she works
how graceful she is when she talks to customers
how efficient she is when she communicates with other workers.
Then I learn.
Teachers are always proud of their students for zillion reasons.
If you bump into your teachers, do greet them. They might not recognise you at first, you too have aged, but trust me, they are happy to see you kicking and growing.
And, if you are teachers, bin everything nasty that you've heard about teachers and teaching. After few years of teaching, I know that I am happy to be in the profession.
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