Day In, Day Out

This blog has been my place since 2008. Scrolling back the years, it is crazy how things have changed. A 19 years old me was an innocent one. She shared with the world everything that was in her head - mindless. The language was absurd and the point of writing was ridiculous.  "I think throughout the years, I have changed a lot. I have tamed my tongue, at least. Have you too changed? What were you like before?" "I was a lazy freak. Glad that you've changed me." "I don't change you and you don't change for me. You are born responsible. Even if you are married to any other woman in the world, you'll be a better person. For you are a responsible man."  I change. My husband change. People change. Why? For change is the only thing constant in life. But when we change, it is not people or a particular person that change us. It takes us to change us. It takes us to rewire the connection we have already had in our brain; w...

This post was written on Sept 21, 2013. Sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak, When you feel weak, you feel like you just wanna just give up, But you gotta search within you, try and find that inner strength, And just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation not to give up, And not be a quitter no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face. Till I collapse- Eminem There are countless events in my life when my negative inner voice implored: ' Babe, I'm tired. That's it, let's just give up .' At the culmination of my self-defeat or my depression, I also do things which people called as acts of giving up. As I am bad at handling my emotions, I spend a week or two crying and hiding under my comforter, skipping meals, brainstorming homicide notes and writing a new diary entry with advanced cursing verbs dedicated to either myself or some other people. Oh, what a typical immature girl! However, the funny activities don't go any fu...

I am frequently asked; What is the secret to good English? There is no finite answer to the question. Some may say practice while the others believe it is the quality of English heard (be the daily English used by parents or the English used by teachers). Indeed, some students do blame their English teacher's poor proficiency for their bad English.  Students have the right to blame the teachers. There are studies proving the case. Other factors contributing to poor L2 acquisition and academic achievement in township schools and rural areas are: lack of access to newspapers, magazines, TV and radio; lack of opportunity to hear or to speak English; lack of English reading material at home and at school; and poor language teaching by teachers whose own English proficiency is limited. (Nel & Muller, 2010)   In many Malaysian classrooms, class' English teacher is the students' main/sole input (English) provider making the only English they hear...

It was another date I had with my partner. The sea breeze was blowing gently, caressing our melancholic faces, smoothing our grizzly hearts. It was then that I bumped into a student I taught for few months - as a replacement teacher. The student has brought cheer into me, not by soothing words or exuberant compliments, but by her outstanding working passion.  No, she ain't a doctor nor an accountant. She is a team member of a fast food chain industry. That is not her first job, I know. She called me once after a pizza was delivered to my doorstep just to ask if the teacher fancied the taste she had put forth. I didn't complain the taste, it was just the discount I thought I deserved 😳.  The girl couldn't make it to any college or university for financial reasons. PTPTN loan might just make things worse in a long run.  She is not an achiever - academically. Her job doesn't allow her to enjoy worldly luxuries. Yet when she greeted me, her positive vibes...

This post is going to be quite emotional.  Losing hurts. Losing your first pet hurts. Losing your favourite pj hurts. Losing your trust on your best pal hurts. Losing hurts - no matter what it is that one is losing. It hurts. Sometimes in such a way no one had expected. I may have experienced a few losses with one that has impacted me a lot. However, this one has brought the greatest. Losing my unborn child at 10 weeks of pregnancy. Though it ended early, in which many believe that the bond between me and the child wasn't very strong, it was the baby my husband and I had been waiting for. Though the baby was only with us for few weeks, we had plans ready for him. The cot, the room, the nursery, the playschool, parents' dos and donts. We were overjoyed by the news of his arrival. It wasn't only us, our families too. My mistake was that I, didn't expect for the worst. I thought my prayers were finally answered until the very moment I last saw my baby....