Losing

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This post is going to be quite emotional. 

Losing hurts.

Losing your first pet hurts.
Losing your favourite pj hurts.
Losing your trust on your best pal hurts.

Losing hurts - no matter what it is that one is losing.
It hurts.
Sometimes in such a way no one had expected.


I may have experienced a few losses with one that has impacted me a lot. However, this one has brought the greatest.

Losing my unborn child at 10 weeks of pregnancy.

Though it ended early, in which many believe that the bond between me and the child wasn't very strong, it was the baby my husband and I had been waiting for. Though the baby was only with us for few weeks, we had plans ready for him. The cot, the room, the nursery, the playschool, parents' dos and donts. We were overjoyed by the news of his arrival. It wasn't only us, our families too.

My mistake was that I, didn't expect for the worst.

I thought my prayers were finally answered until the very moment I last saw my baby.

Dealing with miscarriage is hard but I bet, surviving after that is harder especially in today's society. While I am still sad, angry and jealous with partners who are bestowed with kids, I have to keep guarding myself from mindless comments and questions thrown by makcikmakcik and pakcikpakcik and be okay with it. Not to mention the struggle to pretend strong during moments when I see pregnant women, babies, and advertisements on baby-related items. 


Our first baby; Sid, never made it to our arms, but will always be in our hearts. I may be whole again but my first baby will never be forgotten.




Guys,
Losing hurts.

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