Gritty

And what do I listen to? 

I listen to motivational and inspiring talks. Why? 

Cause I, really wish that I will be what I listen to; full of motivation and inspiring.

So what do you listen to?

One of my favourite talks is by Angela Lee Duckworth on The Key to Success? Grit.

It is my personal favourite as if I were to choose an adjective which describes me well, it will be Gritty.

Who is successful and why?

[...] one characteristic emerged as a significant predictor of success and it wasn't social intelligence, wasn't good look, wasn't physical health and it wasn't IQ, it was grit. Grit is passion and perseverance for a very long term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future; day in, day out. Not just for a week, not just for a month, but for years and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it is a marathon, not a sprint.

I am a gritty woman. I have goals but my goals aren't there by chance instead, I study my goals thoroughly before I plan my long journey to achieve each of them. My plan to my goals routed from loads that I have to do tomorrow till people that I should work with 10 years from now and that is not it. People say that life doesn't come with an instruction so I prescribe myself with my own instruction just to make sure that I am always on the right track. 

However, I consider myself as a flexible gritty woman because I strongly believe that I plan, God plans but God is the best planner. Failure and rejection never stop me from going where I plan to go. As I am a flexible gritty woman, I update my plan every time that unpredictable blocks or marvellous new goals show up. I may have to make small changes or take a longer lap to my journey but I believe that one day, if God permits, I will be there and if I fail to be there, I know exactly that I will end up at a better place for I am full of grit.

However, today, I realise that being gritty in all aspects of life isn't a good thing. In my plan, I have once written down, 'to get married', and as a woman full of grit, I do work towards it. Being gritty, I look high and low for a suitor. A suitor of my choice would be someone who can help me to professionally, academically, physically, emotionally and spiritually develop because he can expect the same from me; well, it is also part of my plan. I may have found someone, a good one, yet I did wrong. 

As a girl, I used to believe that being in a close relationship with a boy could create a sense of belonging and attachment thus accordingly will increase the chance of getting married to the boy. I tried to never view life as a quadratic equation; do A and B will definitely happen, but it seems like I did and it shouldn't be in that way because life doesn't work that way. I was among those who know that it is wrong to be in a relationship; be with women or men, but I chose to ignore it which is completely a wrong thing to do. 

It is they who have preferred misguidance to guidance, but their bargain has fetched no profit, not are they rightly guided.

                                  (2:16)

Yes, a sinner I am for once I preferred misguidance and yes, my bargain has fetched no profit but a number of useless but regretful baggages. However, I never stop praying and asking God about those baggages and keep begging Him for my betterment and peace. God lets me learn from tragedies before this morning, He met me with:

If they do not answer you, know that they're just following their own low and evil desires. And who should be more erring than one who leaves aside the guidance from Allah only to follow his low and evil desires. Verily, Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people to success. 

(28:50)

Tears drop.

I owe God a lot of repent and also Alhamdullilah that I finally find the answer on why my previous relationships went astray. I left aside the clear guidance of Islam and follow what I believe was right. But hey, it is clearly stated in Quran that Allah does not guide wrongdoing people to success and yeah, it explains on why every attempt turned to waste and today I am thankful that they did turn to waste for I don't know what kind of person would I be if I keep being ignorant just because I am gritty. 

Dear girls or women who are seeking for a good suitor to get married with,

I know exactly that I am neither the right nor the best person to give an advice on relationship from an Islamic perspective but I have gone through and learnt quite a lot. Though you might also be a gritty person or a person with finite and clear life plans or a person who really wants to end up life with a good guy or a person who believes that with hard work every dream will come true, this time, only this time, just let fate meets you with the man whom you're destined with for jodoh isn't something within our control. 

It is not within your power (as far as natural feelings of love and devotion are concerned), to maintain perfect balance between wives even though you be ever so eager; but do not incline with a total inclination so as to leave her like some thing suspended. And if you keep things right and guard against evil, then surely Allah is Great Protector, Ever Merciful.

(4:129)

Though the above explains on polygamy, it also emphasises that natural feelings aren't something within our, humans, control though that we are so eager about it. Let's just keep things right (and pure) and guard against evil as surely Allah will meet us with a someone that we never think could ever exist. 

But changing isn't easy

People keep saying that it is always easier said than done but remember:

Goodness alone is the reward of goodness [60] Which benefactions of your Lord will you twain, then, deny? [61] 

(55:60-1)

 

Let's not being gritty when it comes to jodoh. Instead, let's improve ourselves and wait. One day, when God knows that you're ready, your man will give a knock on your door. Till then.