On hardship, hurt and non-acceptance.

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I stand by a mirror,
Gazing at each point of my physical reflection,
Criticising on the weak points,
And be proud of the others.

Out of sudden,
I found myself enjoying the activity.
Looking in the mirror,
I got to realise tht I am no longer the girl I used to be,

I start having rough lines on my neck,
I realise tht I am getting older,
Older by age and older by experience.
Experience.

The person in front of the mirror,
Is a product of hardship, hurt and non-acceptance,
Rough with words,
Scared with the replies.

I look deep into my eyes and I discover a lot,
I discover tht life has taught me a lot,
On how to survive,
It sounds wonderful to be taught on life by life,
But I learnt it the hard way.

Hard enough tht so many times,
I found my lung refuses to breathe.

Checking on my chapped lips,
I realise tht my smile line has gone missing,
It is not shocking as it has been months since I have forgotten on how to smile,
Do I need to first move the right lip or ... the left lip?

Well, why do I need to re-learn on how to smile?
When I was deeply injured and hurt.

I am haunted by my past mistakes,
On what had I done wrong,
And the consequences of being wrong.

They say, 'learn from the mistake',
They add, 'everything happens for good reasons',
And I say,
'Have you really learnt from your mistakes?'
'Do you really know how it feels when people blame you for giving up whilst keep trying is your middle name?'

Worst,
I am not only haunted by my past mistakes,
But also others,
As when they have no one to place the mistakes,
They have them on me,
And to explain myself,
I aint got no time and if I do,
Will it make a difference?

When people stop listening to you,
When people start enjoying the radio,
I begin to realise tht,
There'll be one time when you got no shoulder to cry on.

Then,
You start talking to the mirror,
And tht's how you deal with hardship, hurt and non-acceptance.



Everyone has their own story on hardship, hurt and non-acceptance but the only thing that makes each of us different is the way we treat hardship, hurt and non-acceptance. I am bad at this and forever will be. God is taking all my sources of happiness away from me these days. People assure me that He might have something better for me. The Tok Imam in my dream asks me to 'Sabar'. Thus, I believe that it is time for me to start learning to give up on things that I love and let the destiny drives me to my destination.


If my words have ever hurt someone, I am extremely sorry. I am much in pain and writing is my way of easing it.

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