Mid 20s Conflict (The End)

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After going through the most difficult months of my 20s, I've been asked by many on one of the most challenging questions which is:

'How are you, Lisa?'



Though I scored in my SPM and my degree, I find the question hard. How should I answer the question? Is it appropriate to boldly reply 'never been better' when they are expecting replies such as 'I hate my life' and 'xxx shxt' since they have earlier prepared useful and meaningful advices for me to carry with me throughout my life? As I love being advised, I choose the latter yet, deep in me, I thank God for the wonderful experience which has transformed me into a better person.


However, I am neither an angel nor a person with any angelic characteristic. Instead, as many may have forgotten, I am just a human made of bones and flesh that when I feel that I've been played and wronged refuse to forgive and forget. Further, I still bear with me my high school attitude. The attitude in which when the memories hit, I curse the people involved in my head, wish they are hit by a garbage truck and later slip into a drain full of everything nasty and pray to meet them in my dream just to feel the satisfaction of being able to practise my Tae Kwan Do and Kickboxing.


At the same time I cant deny the wonderful scenery of life I am having today due to my yesterday's pain. Yesterday teaches me a lot on the dos and the donts for my tomorrow. So, as being underlined and repeated in Ar-Rahman:

Which of the benefections of Lord will you twain, then, deny?



As much as I hate my past, I value them and thank God for the lessons they brought with them, though it was in a damn harsh way, and for the opportunities they have created as throughout the experience, I have managed to find myself and locate the real definition of happiness.


Also, if it is not because of the past, I wont be able to taste the wonderful aroma of trust and appreciation from total strangers, I would still live in a life full of despair and filthily filled with lies, I would still have a distorted perception on happiness and I might not be able to enjoy lunatic love from my wonderful family and dearest close friends. So again, which of the benefactions of God will I twain, then, deny?


I may have recently received a package full of rejection, non-acceptance, accusation and hurt but at the same time, at the very bottom of the package, I found happiness, joy, love, myself and ultimately, I found God. Alhamdullilah.


For those who are having a bad time and suffering from an unbearable depression, enjoy it for when it is over, you will miss it and be surprised with what is actually meant for you. Also, when there are times when you cry in your prayers and ask God repeatedly on why you have to go through hell even when you are not the one who starts it or to be blamed, remember:

And what misfortune befall you it is for what your hands have earned but he pardons much (42:30)
Anyway, farewell Mid-20s Crisis! Shall we not meet again. 

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